Exactly the T-shirt you see on the album cover. Gildan Ultra Cotton 6oz. T-shirt in Kelly green, screenprinted with white ink. Manufactured by One Hour Tees in Chicago.
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lyrics
Now, I am a Kiwi. I’m sure you’ll agree we
Are placid and easy-going folks.
I moved to in Chicago about three years ago
And can be the butt of your jokes.
I don’t so much mind them but you are unkind when
You ask if I’ve romanced a sheep.
You say to this alien, “You must be Australian!”
Well no, my accent’s not that cheap.
“And do you know Lorde? Flight of the Conchords?”
Well I know them, but not the reverse.
And mentioning Tolkien should make me start hulkin’
But no, I will utter no curse.
These microaggressions are quite a bit less than
What irks me and turns my hair grey.
But there is just one thing you might think a dumb thing
Which every New Zealander has to relay:
Why can’t the Yanks make a decent flat white?
It’s rather basic coffee; it should not be such a fight.
It shouldn’t be so difficult to get my caffeine fix,
But as for the flat white: there’s nix.
Why can’t the Yanks make a decent flat white?
The general coffee culture is a most perverted blight.
Chicago’s a cold city and I do like to warm up,
But not if there’s rubbish in my cup.
You start with a mug or a takeaway cup of just 240mL.
(That translates to eight ounces if you use that system still.)
Add two shots of espresso and you top it up with milk,
No foam or cream. This process should be smooth as bloody silk,
Yet why can’t the Yanks make a decent flat white?
Just let me... come on... look, I’ll do it... Hey! I meant no slight
Against your hipster fair trade ethical artisanal café.
Just let me do it my way.
You meet a lovely girl on Tinder or a lass on OKC.
The conversation’s sparkling, she’s as pretty as can be.
You ask her on a date, she answers, “We can meet at Starbucks!”
Delete her now, it should be clear that she does not give a crap.
Oh why can’t the Yanks make a decent flat white?
I’ll even bloody tip well if you guys can get it right!
(Or you could just institute decent minimum wage laws.)
Forgive me if I’m sounding trite but will somebody hear my plight
And gain a fraction of insight in how to make my ray of light?
Ban the scourge and parasite of Dunkin’ Donuts, all that shite,
And have the US expedite my blessed constitutional right!
Now for you I will recite the 28th Amendment to the Constitution:
“Everyone in the United States is entitled to life, liberty, the pursuit of happiness,
And a decent flat white!”
credits
from Pumpkins,
released April 2, 2018
Robbie Ellis · vocals, piano, keyboards, bass guitar, percussion
Anthony Ferner · piccolo
Yvette Audain · clarinet, alto saxophone
Thomas Eves · trumpet
Chris Petch · trombone
Sarah McCracken · violin
Jiwon Lee · violin
Pippa Mills · viola
Naomi Hnat · cello
Jono Sawyer · drum kit
Engineered by Michael Bell and Thom O’Connor at Orange Studios, Christchurch, except:
- Drum kit engineered by Louis Bernstone at Ellamy Studios, Auckland.
Edited by Michael Bell and Robbie Ellis.
Mixed by Thom O’Connor.
Mastered by Peter Rattray.
Chicago-based New Zealander Robbie Ellis makes comedy songs. He also composes concert music; is a music director for improv and sketch; and presents classical music radio.
Awesome track! I also love the "tribute" at the end to that old D&D audio, genius!
This is going to be the opener for the next session for my group. Landstrider
Robins decided to release the recording of his 2016 comedy tour during the Covid-19 shutdown at the behest of fans. Bandcamp New & Notable May 29, 2020
Comedian Chris Gethard’s hilarious new surprise album is devoted to the great state of New Jersey, and the great state of New Jersey alone. Bandcamp New & Notable Dec 18, 2019
