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I am a Cat

from Pumpkins by Robbie Ellis

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lyrics

I am a cat.
I am a cat and I roam ze apartment all day.
Okay.
I roam ze apartment all day.

I am a cat.
I am a cat and I lie on my side in ze sun.
For fun.
I like to lie in ze sun.

I am a cat.
I am a cat and my mother will feed me ze food.
I like food :-)
I lie in ze sun and I roam ze apartment, drink water and eat food all day.

I am a cat.
I am a cat and from time to time I make a merde.
That’s a word
That means shit.

By now you’ve noticed I speak in an accent français –
Cliché –
Because French accents are associated with a disdainful demeanour and existential ennui.

Je suis un chat.
Je suis un chat et tu ne comprends pas ce que je dis.
Mais oui.
HON HON HON you don’t speak French.

I am a cat.
I was just roaming when Mother came home with a man.
Ugh, zis man.
She likes him but I never can.

I meet zis man.
He touches me and immediately I attack.
I fight back.
Now his right hand has a puncture wound HON HON HON HON HON HON HON HON HON HON HON HON HON HON HON HON HON HON HON HON HON.

I hate zis man.
Don’t want to know him so I turn and show him my butt.
Yes, I raise my tail at him and give him a nice good view
And fart in his general direction.

(Ze key change shows ze passage of time.)

Why’s he still here?
Why’s he still here on ze couch with his beer? It’s not just.
So I must
Jump on his lap and claw his left thigh through his jeans HON HON HON HON HON HON HON HON HON HON HON HON HON HON HON HON HON HON HON.

One day zis man
One day zis man fills my bowl up with food...
Oh! He might prove useful.
I will tolerate him
And I’ll try not to stab him in ze leg.

credits

from Pumpkins, released April 2, 2018
Robbie Ellis · vocals, piano
Andy Knopp · guitar

Music, lyrics and arrangement © Robbie Ellis (APRA) 2017-2018

Engineered by Michael Bell at Orange Studios, Christchurch, except:
- Guitars self-engineered by Andy Knopp.
Edited by Michael Bell and Robbie Ellis.
Mixed by Thom O’Connor.
Mastered by Peter Rattray.

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Robbie Ellis Chicago, Illinois

Chicago-based New Zealander Robbie Ellis makes comedy songs. He also composes concert music; is a music director for improv and sketch; and presents classical music radio.

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