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Bread, Cheese, Heat

from Metric System by Robbie Ellis

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I’m here to talk about the holy trinity... but not that Holy Trinity.

Bread and cheese and heat.
I’m talking ’bout bread and cheese and heat.

Well I’ve got a pan with some really fine eats, a
Delicacy, goes by the name of pizza.
Bread and cheese and heat.
And if I had one wish from a magical genie
I’d ask Robin Williams to bring me a panini.
Bread and cheese and heat.

There are so many places on the planet Earth where they gave birth to a trio of rare worth.
The finest combination for your degustation satin’ every cravin’, get it in your face and sing it with me!
Bread and cheese and heat.
Yeah everyone, pant it like you’re horny.
Bread and cheese and heat.

There’s something buttery and flat that I want in my hand, which
Tastes damn fine, it’s a grilled cheese sandwich.
Bread and cheese and heat.
And in the ’70s, it was hip and new
To dip your bread into scalding hot fondue.
Bread and cheese and heat.
Oh yeah.

Go find a wheat field, then harvest that golden golden wheat.
Mill it into flour, take that flour, mix it with water,
And add in a microscopic self-reproducing fungus
That goes by the sexy sexy name of yeast.
That’s how you make bread.

Then go find a cow.
A full-grown adult female cow.
Then you wanna get low, crouch down,
Reach your hands in, and milk those udders!
Collect the milk in a bucket or other suitable receptacle.
Add some bacteria.
That’s gonna make your milk go mouldy,
But the right kind of mouldy,
The sexy smooth creamy cheesy kind of mouldy.
That’s how you get cheese.

Then, to derive heat, find an undeveloped rural area.
Stand next to a reasonably tall tree.
Then wait for a lightning storm.
Depending on the time of year and the geography,
You may have to wait several months.
Lightning will strike the tree
Then it’ll be on fire!
And you’ll have all three of
Bread and cheese and heat.

Listen up cause I have to share a New Zealand treat that’s close to my soul.
Have you ever tried a cheese roll?
Bread and cheese and heat
And a packet of onion dip!
Meat plus beans plus cheese in a tortilla.
Stick it in my face! It’s a quesadilla!
(Bread and cheese and heat.)
Or en español:
Pan y queso y calor.
Everyone repeat after me:
Pan y queso y calor.
Now try it in German:
Brot und Käse und Hitze.
Yeah slightly more aggressively:
Brot und Käse und Hitze!
Now Mandarin Chinese:

Although cheese isn’t really a huge part of Chinese cuisine,
So let’s try Hindi.

Naan, paneer, garmee.
You probably know two of these three words.
Naan, paneer, garmee.
Thank you, Google Translate.
(Naan, paneer, garmee.)
Man I wish I had some paneer naan with me right now.
(Naan, paneer, garmee.)
Oh wait, oh wait. What’s wrapped up in this tinfoil?
It’s nice and warm paneer naan and also a bassoon solo!



from Metric System, released November 4, 2022
Robbie Ellis · lead vocals, electric piano, bass guitar
Airan Wright · flute, tenor saxophone, bassoon
Justin Amolsch · horns
Victoria Moreira, Naomi Culp · violins
Susan Bengtson Price · viola
Hope Shepherd DeCelle · cello
Jake Dewar · electric guitar, additional vocals
Jono Sawyer · drum kit
Yendrys Céspedes · shaker, congas
Jason Geary, Fuyou Mei · additional vocals

Music, lyrics and arrangements © Robbie Ellis (APRA) 2019-2022 .

Lead vocals recorded by Matt Griffo at Chicago Recording Boutique.
String quartet recorded by David Lopez at Gravity Studios, Chicago.
Drums recorded by Louis Bernstone at Ellamy Studios, Auckland.
Percussion recorded by YCC Productions, Chicago.
Edited by Robbie Ellis.
Mixed by Matt Griffo at Chicago Recording Boutique.


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Robbie Ellis Chicago, Illinois

Chicago-based New Zealander Robbie Ellis makes comedy songs. He also composes concert music; is a music director for improv and sketch; and presents classical music radio.

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