Pandering to Nerds (The Con Song)

from Metric System by Robbie Ellis

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lyrics

By trade I am a wordy comic pianist
In cabarets and theatres and so on,
Occasionally in concert halls and dive bars,
But seldom am I booked to play a con.
Conventions, shall we say, are not my usual.
I don’t get sci-fi nor much more besides.
Like why does fantasy have all those dragons?
And why do dice require more than six sides?

Regardless, I now find myself performing
For people whom one might describe as “nerds”.
Permit me to provide you some fan service...
Did I use that term right?
With a string of confused mismatched non-sequiturs!

Remember that time that Hulk and Groot
Picked up a green lamp and wore a bat suit?
That film with both The Flash and Thor?
I know my way around a comic book store!

Pandering to a bunch of nerds,
Pandering to a bunch of nerds.
What am I doing? (Pandering!)
Who are you? (A bunch of nerds!)

Remember that time that Bulbasaur
Destroyed Tokyo with a mighty roar?
Mothra and Pikachu had a cartoon,
I’ve seen it! It’s called Sailor Moon!

Pandering to a bunch of nerds,
Pandering to a bunch of nerds.
What am I doing? (Pandering!)
Who are you? (A bunch of nerds!)

Remember that time that Harry and Ron
Travelled to Salem with Bella Swan?
Edward Cullen is a quidditch player,
I know Buffy The Vampire Slayer!

Pandering to a bunch of nerds,
Pandering to a bunch of nerds.
Quo facio? Panderare!
Quis estis? (A bunch of nerds!)

Remember that time that Chewbacca
Used Vulcan mind meld on Lady Gaga?
Star Wars, Star Trek, A Star is Born,
Kris Kristofferson sang in Klingon!

much; ’etlh bochmoHwI’ rur,
much; ’etlh bochmoHwI’ rur.
qaStaH nuQ? (’etlh bochtaH!)
soH ’Iv? (’etlhmaj yIboch!)

Pandering to...
People who are into things I know all about!

credits

from Metric System, released November 4, 2022
Robbie Ellis · vocals, piano, keyboards, bass guitar
Airan Wright · flutes, baritone saxophone
Dan Waldron · oboe
Justin Amolsch · horns
Victoria Moreira, Naomi Culp · violins
Susan Bengtson Price · violas
Hope Shepherd DeCelle · cellos
Emilse Rios · double bass
Jake Dewar · acoustic guitar
Jono Sawyer · drum kit

Music, lyrics and arrangement © Robbie Ellis (APRA) 2021-2022 .

Vocals recorded by Matt Griffo at Chicago Recording Boutique.
String quartet recorded by David Lopez at Gravity Studios, Chicago.
Piano recorded in the Fay & Daniel Levin Performance Studio, WFMT Chicago.
Drums recorded by Louis Bernstone at Ellamy Studios, Auckland.
Edited by Robbie Ellis.
Mixed by Matt Griffo at Chicago Recording Boutique.

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Robbie Ellis Chicago, Illinois

Chicago-based New Zealander Robbie Ellis makes comedy songs. He also composes concert music; is a music director for improv and sketch; and presents classical music radio.

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